Have you ever found yourself looking at a couple that’s seemingly perfect and wondering why your relationship can’t be as simple as their’s is?
I often find myself wondering how society has built this idea into our culture that a relationship must come with zero flaws in order for a couple to survive. We read headline after headline of celebrity couples who “just couldn’t work through their disagreements”, we have divorce rates that are higher than they have ever been, I have friends who tell me that they have to break up with someone as soon as an imperfection is revealed. I sometimes find myself wondering about my own relationship if I allow myself to get too caught up in the world’s outside opinions.
This. Has. Got. To. Stop.
I have been with the same man since I was 16 years old. We’ve been together for 9 years, married for almost 2 and I still find myself wondering why our relationship isn’t perfect like so many others seem to be. I hate when I catch myself in those moments, because newsflash: my relationship is not perfect and no one else’s is either. I don’t know how or why we’ve all decided that for a relationship to be successful that means it must be perfect.
If this is the mentality you have, you will never be satisfied in a relationship. Ever.
A successful relationship is full of ups and downs, disagreements and arguments, pointless fights, poking fun, being honest, revealing your flaws, living with your insecurities, and loving someone for all that they have to offer, imperfections and all.
I can remember vividly the first 9 months of my relationship with my husband. He was only the second person I had ever dated. I had no idea what I was doing. For the first 9 months, everything seemed perfect. “Seemed” being the operative word here. We never fought about anything because I was too afraid that if I disagreed I would get dumped. He always did what I wanted us to do because he was too afraid that if he said he didn’t enjoy something I enjoyed we’d be over. Our friends were constantly telling me how jealous they were that I had found the perfect match. I didn’t believe them. I knew that something was off. I knew that something just hadn’t clicked yet no matter how hard I was wanting it too.
One day, about 10 months into dating my now husband, I over heard my parents arguing in the other room.
Side note – If you know me you know that any kind of confrontation makes me sweat. I dread it, I abhor it, I avoid it as often as I can. (This is not healthy. Please do not take after me.) Whether I’m involved in said confrontation or not, if there’s an argument around me I’m about ready to pass out.
Anyway, later that night I asked my dad why they had been arguing. He said something to me that I will never forget, and to this day has continued to shape my relationship. He said to me, “I would have never married a woman who always agreed with me. Part of what makes your mom so unique is that she’s always standing up for herself and her beliefs. She’s not afraid of me. She’s not beneath me. She’s got a voice and even when that voice is yelling at me, it’s still the most beautiful voice in the room.”
Suddenly the flood gates opened up. I realized that that is what I was holding back from my boyfriend. I wasn’t letting him hear my real voice.
You will never find someone who agrees with every single thing you believe in or enjoy or love about this life, but you can find someone who challenges you to become a better person, a stronger person, a more well-rounded person. You should be searching for someone who loves all of you; your beauty, your strengths, your weaknesses, your flaws, everything. You shouldn’t settle for someone who only wants the best version of you. That will lead to a dull, unhappy, and fake life that no one should live.
My relationship isn’t perfect and yours won’t be either and that’s what makes them so beautifully unique.